Is It Narcissistic To Date Someone Who Looks Like Me?


Before we begin, I must insist you listen to the soundtrack to this post, found below for your listening pleasure:

Now that I’ve properly established the mood, we can begin our exploration of Boyfriend Twins, Chicks Who Can Hang, And Brother-Sister-Husband-Wives.

Most everyone has a “type”. Whether they’re consciously aware of it or not, or claim not to have one (LIES), most people tend to be drawn to specific traits, and over time gravitate toward romantic or sexual partners with certain qualities, physical or otherwise. Think about the last two or three people you’ve dated or had sex with or been attracted to in any way: maybe you have a thing for facial hair or butts or are consistently drawn to sensitive bad-boy types. After a while, this “type” might become familiar to you, and because most people tend to seek out familiarity in relationships, these are the people we get stuck with and ultimately seek out. It’s the Familiarity Principle of Attraction, and it makes sense. We like what we know. What’s easy. Comfortable. No unpleasant surprises. Which is great, if you’re generally attracted to nice people who bathe regularly, and bad if you’re a magnet for sociopaths who will steal your weed and try to kidnap your dog because you didn’t return their call once.

It’s my personal belief that the desire for familiarity runs so strong that deep down, we all just wish we could date ourselves. Opposites don’t actually attract. At least, not in any kind of meaningful way. CASE STUDY NUMBER ONE: those guys who always complain about wanting to date a girl who’s “just one of the guys”:

Guys like this can be truly insufferable if you happen to end up with one or know one and never hear the end these guys describing their desire for a fantasy woman who is, for all intents and purpose, just another dude. But it isn’t so wrong to be attracted to someone you share things in common with, either physically or otherwise. After all, the heart (and genitals) wants what it wants, and sometimes it wants what’s in the mirror. And sometimes dudes just want to date other dudes, and that’s OK. CASE STUDY NUMBER TWO: BOYFRIEND TWINS. Boyfriend twins, as defined by Tumblr, are a pair of gay boyfriends who look eerily similar. See also brother-sister-girlfriend-boyfriends (don’t have a Tumblr, still weird). Is it creepy? Absolutely. But they kind of have a point. Boyfriend twins are really just living out the fantasy the rest of us wish we could: Notice that you’re hot, realize your own physical attraction to yourself and people with similar traits, harbor a desire to date someone as close in physical likeness to you as possible, find someone with a striking resemblance to you, date them. See? They get it. Are we not living in the age of digital narcissism? Boyfriend twins are the way of the future. With national divorce rates being what they are, wouldn’t it make sense to learn to be content with someone who’s as similar to you as possible since there’s a 50% chance it probably won’t work anyway? Unless you consider settling down with a version of yourself to be settling, in which case, don’t do that, but come on. You’re not so bad. The boyfriend twin thing could be a result of unbridled narcissism, sure, or it could be the ultimate expression of self-love, but either way there are probably perks. I bet boyfriend twins save a lot of money on clothes.

I also imagine they’re exhausting to be around.

You’re so cute.

No, you’re so cute!

No, you’re cuter!

You are!

You are!


I also imagine that boyfriend-twin relationships have the potential to become problematic. If a friend doesn’t think your boyfriend is good-looking, then doesn’t that suggest they don’t find you attractive? And conversely, think of the clothes they might “borrow” and never return! There’s also some serious potential that a jilted ex-boyfriend twin could steal your identity and drain your bank account. In our quest for a known quantity, it’s possible to end up with people who we have a little too much in common with, like those couples who kind of look like they could potentially be related and you wonder if they know because everyone else totally sees it and it’s weird.

It’s totally normal to want to meet someone to date/have sex with/both who has things in common with you, and to get frustrated about the generally lack of cool, normal people out there who actually “get you.”

God. I wish I could just date myself. S**t. I’d do me.

And some people do.

It’s also entirely possible to be in a relationship with someone too similar. Which brings us to CASE STUDY NUMBER THREE: The Brazilian couple who found out they had the same mother, a prime example of the Familiarity Principle of Attraction gone HORRIBLY HORRIBLY WRONG and why maybe we shouldn’t date people who we share a physical resemblance with, because apparently you never know. Might turn out you’re related. Also, if you’re both abandoned children searching for your birth mothers who both somehow have the same name, that little factoid might be worthy of further investigation. However, the pair has said:

“Only death is going to separate us. All this happened because God wanted it to happen. At first we were really knocked by it all, but we had a family meeting and told everyone that we are going to stay husband and wife, whatever anyone might think. We have so many plans together. Nothing is going to break us up. Nothing.”

Familiarity Principle of Attraction in action, b**ches.

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