Ask Him: My Guy Takes Forever to Get Ready

masqued insecurity.

masqued insecurity.

Help. My dude takes longer than I do to get ready, and is constantly checking himself out in the mirror. I love him, but we are always late to dinner (and everywhere else) and it’s driving me nuts. –Anonymous

Three glasses of white and a 12-hour work day tell me you’re dating a megalomaniac. My editor, however, is pressing me to elaborate so I’m going to do my best to put this delicately. A marked obsession with one’s appearance, in my opinion, suggests either a rather ego-centric sexual persuasion, or an acute lack of confidence in the other categories of self worth (intelligence, humor, charisma, humility…). If your man can’t break away from the mirror, it’s most likely because he is fixated on one aspect of himself that he not only has faith in, but feels like he can control, or worse, has to, to maintain respect and influence. Compulsive checking out of oneself is a nervous habit born of the pursuit of validation.

How to fix this: Part one.

Every ten minutes he spends in front of a mirror, have another glass of wine. Sooner or later he’ll either get that pesky cowlick under control, or you’ll take an involuntary nap. Problem solved.

How to fix this: Part two.

Depending on the quality/quantity of the sex, seven years of bad luck may be worth making the 8:30 reservation at Bestia.

How to fix this: For real.

As per my consistent blend of sweet and sour advice, I would recommend one of the two following options. First: few qualities are more shameful and humiliating in a man than vanity. Some mild bullying might help his self-awareness (the figurative kind), especially if you took the directions given in Part One and subsequently developed a mean sense of humor. Second: beat him to the punch. Before he runs to check the alignment of his eyebrows or the neat/disheveled balance of his bohemian, lumber jack, street-style-blogging sloppy-tucked outfit, bolster his confidence with some flattery. Flattery costs nothing, and buys minutes and/or hours in time when it comes to getting a dubious diva out the door. If you can reassure him that his superficial bases are covered with a genuine compliment, he can focus his energies on something else, like how fabulous YOU look, or what time it is or where the bottle opener went.


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