For those of you wondering who Olivia Pope is, you’re missing out on one of the best shows on network television, Scandal, but I’ll give you a brief character description. Pope is basically the female Ray Donovan, but in DC not LA. She’s a fixer and she can fix pretty much anything and everything, except herself. Her specialty is fixing political blunders and spinning salacious situations. In the days where politicians’ mistakes and indiscretions dominate the news, spawn twitter jokes, and create BuzzFeed posts- we say screw Jesus, What Would Olivia Pope Do in these real life crisis situations?
Donald Trump vs. Eric Schneiderman, New York State Attorney General
Synopsis: Eric Schneiderman filed a lawsuit against real estate mogul, Donald Trump, claiming that The Trump Entrepreneur Initiative (formerly known as Trump University) is fraud. The suit goes on to claim that the majority of the faculty, that were advertised as being handpicked by Trump himself, had neither met Trump nor were experts in real estate therefore swindling students out of as much as $35 thousand dollars each, as they emerged from the courses with no real knowledge and their only interaction with Trump was a photo next to his life-size cutout. Schneiderman’s suit seeks $40 million dollars in restitution for those students.
Trump started off strong. The first rule of fight club may be to not talk about fight club, but the first rule in Olivia Pope’s world is always this: attempt to discredit your opponent. Of course Trump immediately used this tactic and went on the offensive, speaking to news outlets claiming that the suit was frivolous and Schneiderman is seeking revenge for Trump denying him campaign contributions. Strike one for Trump. Sorry we’re talking Scandal and Olivia Pope, not Revenge and Emily Thorne. Trump even went so far as to claim that the President is in on this vendetta against him. Strike two. Olivia Pope would never advise throwing shade at the President, even if it isn’t Fitzgerald Grant. So What Would Olivia Pope Do? She’d advise Trump to use his mouth to eat those turkey burgers at Mar-a-Lago that Oprah raves about and stop talking. He’s only making it worse. He should continue running his empire and let the American justice system do its thing.
Synopsis: Weiner is a married, disgraced former Congressman, current New York Mayoral candidate, and pathological sexter. Since leaving office for his prior sexting scandal, he was recently busted for sexting yet again while on the campaign trail.
After threatening his sexting partner to shut her dang mouth and finding blackmail material on his wife, Huma Abedin to force her to publicly maintain her love and support for her husband, she’d go all Hollywood and call the paparazzi faster than a Kardashian. She’d make sure the media was flooded with photos of Weiner playing in the park with his son and acting like a doting father and husband to show that, hey, he’s only human. She’d also recommend a primetime mea culpa to apologize to his family and the country yet again, and might even advise him to admit that he’s a sexting addict and that he’s seeking out patient treatment. Pope would also have him use the constant media attention to discuss his running platform and when the time was right, would find or manufacture another story to enthrall the public.
Last but not least, she’d insist he install Snapchat! If you can’t track it, you can’t trail and televise it.