Stalk Me, Please

"Why does that guy keep looking over here, do you think he's stalking us?"

“Why does that guy keep looking over here, do you think he’s stalking us?”

We’ve all had that friend. You know, the one who always complains about being “stalked”* by some guy that she went on a few dates with but the second she thinks nobody is looking, she’s reaching into her purse and texting him back. Reason? She secretly likes the attention. For a lot of women, having a man’s undivided attention (no matter how ridiculous or over-the-top it may be) is a form of validation that strokes her ego and reminds her that she’s attractive and that someone wants her (never mind the fact that they have no interest in the guy whatsoever!)

I wasn’t too surprised, then, when I discovered that there are plenty of apps available that not only make it easier to stalk others but also encourage others to stalk you. Now before you go and download any of these apps, I recommend that you look up the movie Fear on Netflix (mind you, this is from 1996, so this is a major throwback film) – on the upside, it has Reese Witherspoon in her more innocent days and Mark Wahlberg in his shirtless days (as you’ll see, things haven’t changed much). If you watch the movie and still have a yearning for those stalker apps, download at your own risk. Some of these are still in the development phase, some have been pulled from the public and some currently exist for your personal use. But either way, don’t say that I didn’t warn you first.


Essentially, this is a fetish app for stalkers. Basically, you upload a photo of yourself (so that your stalker can easily identify you, of course) and then you include a list of things that you’ve always wanted to be done to you in public at the hands of a stranger. These could range from receiving a random hug or massage to things we probably should never talk about – either way, this app serves as a sort of ice breaker (but in a creepier and more dangerous form). I already feel like this app could come with a lot of problems, especially if some psychopath gets his or hands on it and then something goes terribly wrong. Again, enter at your own risk.


This is a stalker’s dream. Sitting across from a beautiful stranger at Starbucks and want to know everything about them without even striking up a conversation? All you have to do is point your phone at his or her face, then seconds later all of their contact information and social network date will be at your fingertips.

Crowded Room

This is a great app for the stalker who likes to plan ahead. Let’s say you’re planning to go somewhere and are curious if others have similar plans. You can do a future check-in at a location and see who else is thinking of going there. See someone of interest? You can shoot them a message and then make plans to meet up at the said destination. Still sounds sketchy to me though…

Girls Around Me

The one-night stand scene at bars just got a whole lot easier. This app uses data from Foursquare, allowing users to see which women have checked in around their neighborhood with their pictures as location pins on the map. After you find a lady or two who catch your interest, simply tap on her picture, which links you to her Facebook and other social media accounts. Apparently, Foursquare cut of the API access that the app was using to connect users to data, and the app was promptly pulled from the iTunes Store.

Crush Notifier

Where was this app when we were in high school? Created by the same people who came up with Breakup Notifier (an app that informs you when a friend of yours changes their relationship status on Facebook), Crush Notifier lets you select people that you have crushes on, then an anonymous email is sent to them, notifying them that someone has a crush on them. Of all the apps, this seems more innocent. It’s perfect for the person who prefers to stalk from afar.


The app for the jetsetting stalker. If you find that your flight is getting a bit too long and you’re antsy for a hookup, this handy app will connect you with other people on the same flight who also want to get frisky. Joining the Mile High Club just became a whole lot easier…and sketchier.


This is the SnapChat of online hookup services. The issue for many people is the shame or stigma that is associated with online dating and hooking up. With Pure, you upload pictures and a profile the way you would on a regular website, but the catch here is that your profile will only exist for an hour. You definitely need to act in a timely manner with this app though, so make the most of your time as you peruse other profiles  because once the magic hour is up, your profile is wiped clear. It’ll be like it never happened in the first place.


*Understand, there is a definitive difference between women who like attention, and women who are actually stalked by predators. Colloquially “stalked,” here is more like “I die.”

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