The snacks are ready. Drinks are in the cooler. You’ve got your favorites picked out. It’s almost The Big Day. Nope. Not your wedding, we’re talking about the Oscars, whose red carpet serves as sport like any other. And so, predictions must be made, trends assessed. This is serious, serious business.
Award season is one of those curious times, where people who have zero interest in movies and “the business” find themselves at yet another party with beer and bean dip, huddled around and shouting at the television like the red carpet were a football field. How could she?! What?! What are you doing?! No! No! No! It proceeds like this, sucking viewers into this sort of interactive US Weekly experience, talking about “these” people like we know them personally, until the show begins, at which point viewers sink into their sofas and start talking about their own lives because, frankly, watching well-dressed famous people sitting around dinner tables fake smiling isn’t really our idea of a swell Sunday night. Only it is, because we’re here, again, in front of another television watching yet another Academy Awards.
Resistance is futile.
Let’s face it: Hollywood stars on a red carpet are like kryptonite to ambivalence. Sure, you might not care if you see Lindsay Lohan shuffling around your local Whole Foods in a pair of post-op sunglasses and jeans, but put that train wreck in a dress, brush her teeth and curl her hair, and you’ve got millions of people opining from the comfort of their living rooms. We figured that if you’re going to get caught up in the Oscar buzz again (and you will), you might as well be prepared. Study past games. Know your hair and makeup teams. Read up on your favorite celeb’s style coach. It’s go time, baby.
Hut! Hut! Hut!–Jenny Bahn