Cosmic Cures: Better Than Therapy?

All the answers you could ever need at a fraction of the price.

All the answers you could ever need at a fraction of the price.

“I mean, I’m on the cusp of Libra/Scorpio. That’s why I’m like this.”

Sadly, I’m not joking when I tell you that I’ve actually said these exact words multiple times. I, like many women in 2014, have used astrology to defend or explain my actions, as if my astrological sign is some sort of magic crystal ball of insight into the way I think and, at the same time, a get-out-of-jail-free card meant to absolve me of taking responsibility for what I do and say. Forget being a guide to everything that will happen to me this day, week, month, and year; oh no, my astrological sign is my scapegoat. And I’m not even a Capricorn.

I’m not the only one, though. I’ve heard many a friend say, “Well, she’s a Sagittarius, what did you expect?” and “Oh, you’d better watch out for those Capricorn men.” Whenever I fail to communicate effectively I blame it on Mercury being in retrograde- whether it actually is or not.

It’s not just astrology, though. That would be manageable. But it’s psychics, too. Whenever I’m feeling like my life is in the midst of a downward spiral, I go to a psychic. I’ll admit it. I have a psychic that I consult over the phone. Yeah. I’ll be the first to admit that it sounds half-a*sed; I’m entrusting my happiness to someone who’s not even picking up on my energy in my physical presence, probably hundreds of miles away across cables and wires and electrons. But, whenever I call her and she speaks me to in that voice I’ve come to crave hearing about what my destiny holds, I feel better. In fact, I always joke that it’s cheaper then therapy. But that’s the thing. I’m using astrology and psychics as a replacement for therapy.

Disclaimer: I don’t have any issues that require medical attention. I’m just a girl obsessing about anything and everything, like countless others. I don’t have any aversion to going to therapy and delving through my psyche to work on my issues. I just don’t have the time. So I take these quick fixes (oh and numerology sometimes, too) to get through the day/week/month. One of the things that attracts me to cosmic cure-alls like these ones is that they seem tangible. They give me explanations for behavior, both mine and others, and I don’t have to spend three hours obsessing about something someone’s done or hasn’t done because I already know this is how they’ll act because they are a water sign born under an ascendant Aries.

Is it the healthiest thing in the world? Probably not. But is it doing more harm then good? I don’t think so. How is believing in this New-Age stuff any different than listening to a doctor psychoanalyze my childhood? He wasn’t there, he doesn’t know me. It’s just as crazy to think that I’ve repressed certain things or that losing that one soccer game because I was too busy talking to my teammates instead of defending the goal has had some profound effect on my adult life and worldview. So, screw you, Freud. Susan Miller and Astrologyzone are my shrinks.

At least until my horoscope says otherwise.

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