Has the impending bathing suit season left you searching for where it all went wrong? Me too, and we’re not alone. Pumping a five pound weight while her weary looking Italian Greyhound Kermit looks on, viral video star and comedienne Jenna Marbles explains her renewed enthusiasm for exercise. The blonde bombshell bemoans that spring has snuck up on her and she’s horrified by how “squishy” she is. It’s like she’s reading my Dorito-drenched mind.
“Sometimes, when I fall off my diet train, I fall, like, way off and go tumbling off of a cliff, like into an ocean, and just drown in it…” she begins. In the YouTube vlogger’s “Junk Food Confessions” video [NSFW, some coarse language] she guiltily fesses up to her most flagrant food indulgences. Starting from a pie-heavy Thanksgiving celebration leading all the way up to more recent drive-thru indiscretions, “You want cheese and bacon on that? The answer is always yes!” She doesn’t leave out any of the gory details.
Even in the video’s detailed description she calls out her own disgraced derriere, “First of all, my underwear is legit getting too tight,” she says, “does that ever happen to you?… Is that my butt? Is that really what my butt looks like? You’re kidding. Oh my god what have I done!!… And then you sit in a corner for a minute and cry and feel bad, but then you get hungry so you go to Wendys and get some french fries and chili but then you also pass a Taco Bell on your way home so you get like 5 Doritos Locos Tacos….”
“Hopefully this is going to make me take some accountability for my eating habits,” she says in closing, adding, “Hopefully this has made you feel better about your inner fat kid, if you have one.” Have you let your inner fat kid out to play this winter too? What steps are you taking to start a springtime shape-up, Jenna Marbles style? —Casandra Armour