"Sexy [Fill-in-the-Blank]" Not Your Thing? Costume Ideas

halloweenHalloween is just a week away, so cue the onslaught of “sexy mustard!” “sexy traffic cone!” “sexy… Q-tip?” ads.

Or, you know, not. There isn’t a thing wrong with showing off your assets if that’s the highlight of your Halloween festivities. (Need I remind you of the Mean Girls quote reinforcing the very same idea? Party time!) But there isn’t a thing wrong with opting out of all that, either. Whether showcasing your bits isn’t within your comfort zone or you’re headed to a tame employer-hosted event, here are a few ideas to get you psyched about Hallow’s Eve.

TV characters

Between AMC, Netflix and HBO—damn, there is so much good television programming these days. Pick your favorite character and have some fun with it. Zooey Deschanel as Jess in New Girl has a distinct, well, Zooey Deschanel vibe going on in the wardrobe department. If you’ve got bangs, a cat-printed shift dress and three dude friends, you’re well-equipped for an evening out. Taylor Schilling’s character Piper Chapman in Orange is the New Black is easy enough to replicate. (Just make sure to carry Gillian Flynn’s Gone Girl and a few artisanal soaps around with you.) And for Kerry Washington as Olivia Pope in Scandal, you just need a smart suit with an equally smart attitude. Likely the most TV-inspired costume this year? Walter White. But who says you have to be a dude to pull off the pork pie hat?


Okay, we weren’t joking when we mentioned the mustard and Q-tips earlier. Funny is fun. And a clever costume gets way more compliments than your standard witch. Grumpy Cat is one of our recent favorites. And what is more prevalent online these days than the ubiquitous Instagram #selfie? You could keep it simple and duckface (verb) with your iPhone and a #nofilter-embellished shirt, or you could take that a step further and rig a shower curtain and mirror for a good, old-fashioned #bathroomselfie.


If scary or traditional is your Halloween style, go all out or put a new twist on it. Want to be a vampire? Invest in a dramatic cape and some good fake blood, or else go hardcore with the body glitter a la the Twilight saga. If you love the femme fatale look, go old school with foam rollers, penciled eyebrows and dark lipstick. An old cigarette holder, a pair of gloves and a modestly cut hourglass dress are all you need to complete the look. If, for some reason, you still have an old prom or bridesmaid dress hanging around in the closet, be honest with yourself—you will never wear that thing again. For the love of whomever, liberate yourself and splash some fake blood on that frock, put on a tiara and call it a Carrie night. You know you already paid way too much for the dress, so make it play double-duty.

These are just a handful of suggestions, so we’re curious—what will you be wearing Halloween night?

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