I Wanna Marry Harry: Reality TV so Bad, It’s Bad


FOX cancelled I Wanna Marry Harry after only four episodes due to low ratings. Even though it was best thing Ryan Seacrest has concocted since Keeping Up With The Kardashians. 7 years ago.

The show followed twelve American women who have been flown to a fancy estate in the UK to win the affections of a Prince Harry look-alike by the name of Matt Hicks.

“I have to convince them I’m Prince Harry, but the goal is for them to like me for who I am.”

That’s an actual quote from the first episode. Yeah, good luck with that. I’m sure these women will love you for who you really are: a guy who lies about who you really are.

Were people genuinely appalled at Fox for allowing women to be lied to in such a shocking manner, or were they simply just not interested? I found this show on demand and was instantly reminded of Joe Millionaire from 2003, in which unsuspecting women were duped into believing the man they were after was a baller when, in fact, he was just full of hot million-aire. The show’s tag line was, “Can love survive when fame, wealth and status falls away?” But no one tuned in to ponder this philosophical question. Nope, they only showed up to watch — and laugh at — dumb women fall for a prank.

The lengths FOX went to convince the contestants on I Wanna Marry Harry that they were in the presence of bona fide royalty was almost ridiculous. They shelled out the bucks for helicopters, servants, secret service agents, and professional butlers. Maybe they should have spent some of that dough on creating a plausible back story, answering important questions like: why would Prince Harry need help finding a girl? It made zero sense. Only a gaggle of the most gullible women in America could fall for this. But, of course, Ryan Seacrest’s production company found them. One of the gals listed her occupation as “Miss Los Angeles.” She wore furry Burning Man boots and too much eyeliner. At least this made total sense.

Clueless doesn’t even begin to describe the ladies on this show. I’m tempted to believe that they were in on it and went along with the prank just so they could get their fifteen minutes, but alas, that was not the case: the majority of them genuinely believed the ginger imposter was really and truly Prince Harry. Even though there were photos of the real Prince and his brother littered around the estate, which would have served as a hint if the women would’ve examined them a bit closer. You really do only see what you want to see. In this case, a royal meal ticket.

The “competitions” to win over the Prince were straight up ridiculous. A beauty pageant was put on where the girls performed different talents like playing “Mary Had A Little Lamb” on the foot piano, stand-up comedy, hula-hooping, and slutty line-dancing. The alcoholic in the group named Maggie did the most embarrassing “cheer” known to mankind and referred to herself as “Miss Maggie Fun Time.” The Malibu Sands Miss Liberty pageant from Saved By The Bell was more legit than this garbage.

My favorite contestant was Kelly, a 24-year-old restaurant hostess from Texas. She was, quoting another contestant, a “stage-5 clinger.”  There would be moments where she seemed totally normal, then all of a sudden she’d blurt out, “I would do anything to be with Prince Harry. His character is so phenomenal,” and “I don’t know what I’m gonna do if the Prince doesn’t pick me.” She clearly had her entire royal life planned out from the minute she laid eyes on Harry. I mean Matt.

Another contestant, Karina, wouldn’t stop talking about her professional soccer player ex-boyfriend. She even kept a photo of him in her wallet. She was totally on this show for “the right reasons.”

As you can clearly see from the above descriptions, Fox and Ryan Seacrest didn’t bend over backwards to make these women come across as likable. So it was very hard to feel sympathy for them, which, in turn, made it slightly less hard to watch. Even though this is a trend seen all too often when it comes to portraying contestants on “reality” dating shows like I Wanna Marry Harry, Joe Millionaire and, the king and queen of them all, The Bachelor and The Bachelorette.

In the end, the “Prince” chose Kimberly, a social worker from New York. He had to then reveal to her his real identity. The butler Kingsley said, in a dramatic voice-over, if Kimberly still accepts the fake Prince for who he really is, then both of them would receive $250,000.

She did accept him, of course, and thank God because what would they have done with that $50,000 fireworks display they had ready for this exact scenario?

Clearly these women wanted to be on TV, and being duped was the price they paid. So in the end everyone wins… I guess?

Keep pumping out this quality television, Ryan Seacrest. We all know you’re secretly a robot programmed with only three facial settings:

1. Happy

2. Concerned


3. “I’m a billionaire — what are these ‘morals’ you speak of?”

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