Laser Boobs Are REAL, Well Sort Of

fem-bought implants.

fem-bought implants.

Tired of boobs that don’t act like they have a natural bra built in? There’s a laser surgery for that.

In the 1950s women  had worn bras to bed believing breasts should be supported during sleep. In the ’60s they burned them (or at least, threw them in a trash can). But come 2020 there might not be a need for a bra at all. Which sounds rather delightful. No man will ever understand the pleasure of unhooking a back strap and pulling the under wire beast through an armhole.

The technique essentially builds an internal support system for your tatas with your own existing tissues. It’s usually performed on women who have a little extra they are trying to get rid of. Using a laser, the entire breast is actually lifted (including the nipple) and then, to ensure that it stays in place, an “internal bra” is built from what you’ve got and attached to the chest wall. Which keeps those babies locked and loaded. Supposedly, the structure cannot be seen or felt under the skin.

However, the entire medical world isn’t jumping on board with this latest attempt to liberate the ladies. Some plastic surgeons claim that the laser bra technique isn’t any more effective at lifting the breasts than a traditional lift surgery, but is more complicated.

Meanwhile outside of the U.S, some doctors have bypassed lasers altogether and resorted to actually inserting a polyester mesh implant into the bust to build a real internal bra. The insert, which is not FDA approved, incidentally, looks like a bra cup and is positioned in just the right place for it feel and function like one. The implant fuses with the natural tissue and stays there, eliminating the need for more traditional methods of support (and annyoing issues like back bulge and quad boob). The potential problem with this procedure, of course, is that when the implant fuses with the tissue it is difficult to remove, and it is fairly common for people to either be initially dissatisfied with the results or develop growths around the mesh. And unlike a breast lift using more traditional methods, it’s much more difficult for surgeons to go in and rectify the t(issue) causing dissatisfaction.

In the US, the FDA has just approved an absorptive silk version of the mesh to function as a bra lift. The upside to using silk instead of polyester mesh is that the implant will dissolve within a year, leaving no trace behind that it was ever there except the collagen growth that its placement stimulated. This procedure is being developed for use during reconstructive-type surgeries, but the low-impact nature of the procedure means that anyone can schedule it if the ladies start showing an interest in checking out what’s going on south of the border.

While it seems that the procedure involving the silk implant seems like one of the best options, proponents of the laser bra claim that an undeniable upside to the technique is that using a laser might help to reduce the already minimal discomfort of the procedure. So that’s something to think about if you have a low threshold for pain or if your breast are particularly sensitive.

But if pain doesn’t scare and you want to lead the charge into the bra-less future, you could soon have a brand-new, self-supporting bust in a mere two hours!

Don’t start lighting the bonfires yet, though. With more than five years until this surgery goes live, you’re going to need some kind of support. And for that, there’s no one else to turn to but our old bosom-buddy, the bra.

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