Q: “I love my boyfriend. I really do. We’ve been together a long time, and we live together. Most things about our relationship are great, except that he’s not very good at French kissing. I realize it might seem like I’m complaining about something that might seem insignificant, especially when everything else about our relationship is usually great, but sometimes I just want to make out with my boyfriend, you know? How do I talk to a grown man about his French kissing technique?”
A: I can see why you would want to make out with your boyfriend. Making out is, like, the coolest thing to do ever, and it never gets old.
Kudos to you for going this far with someone who isn’t at least a decent French kisser. I feel as though that’s a big part of most relationships, especially at the outset. I mean, there have been times when really awful kissing has been damn near a deal breaker for me. (But I am also a horrible, shallow, and vain human being. But if you’re in love, then clearly you’ve made it past a point where rubbing each other’s tongues together isn’t one of the more important facets of your chemistry and life together.)
I’m sure it would be quite a bonus, though. And a better kisser translates to a better cunnilingus performer, and THAT’S ALWAYS PRETTY GODDAMN DOPE AMIRITE?!
Once you hit a stage where you’re comfortable enough with each other to live together, to share a home base and all of the things that come with it, then you should be comfortable enough to bring up kissing prowess to your boyfriend, and to voice your concerns about his lackluster technique.
He may react negatively at first, because us dudes are a prideful crew, and I’m sure nobody relishes being called a bad kisser. (I don’t know—it’s never happened to me before. *Brushes shoulder off.*) But if he’s a good boyfriend, he should be able to get past this rather quickly, and be open to changing up his smooching moves. Because we want to make you happy, especially when it comes to doing things that turn you on to the point where you want to have sex with us. And making out never hurts. It’s basically the starting point of foreplay for most.
If anything, he might be upset that you hadn’t brought this up to him before. It’s kind of a blow to the confidence to find that you’ve been making out with your girlfriend all wrong for however long you have been together. (Hopefully he won’t suspect that you’ve recently made out with someone who happened to be a superb kisser, and that if he doesn’t step his game up you will leave him forever.)
Once you bring up the topic of Frenching, the next step is to offer constructive criticisms or points in the process where your boyfriend could stand to improve a bit (or a lot). Draw diagrams if you like, or find some poignant television or film scenes that show adept making out style. You can even demonstrate what you’re looking for by acting it out on the back of his hand or something.
The next step is to, of course, practice your tongues off. After each trial makeout session, give each other feedback. Find out what works for you.
But don’t practice TOO MUCH. You don’t want to take the magic away from Frenching. I imagine that’s like how sex becomes less fun when couples are watching ovulation cycles or what not when they’re trying to knock the woman up.
I’m confident that pretty soon you’ll have a compatible style that makes French kissing a lot of fun for both of you. And that you’ll want to spend a lot of time kissing each other and being all touchy feely and romantic.
Just please, for the love of whatever god or spiritual entity you believe in, don’t French kiss too often in public. That sh*t is gross.