Mom Friends: Finding Them, Keeping Them or Kicking Them to the Curb

making a break for it.

making a break for it.

A funny thing happens when you have a baby.  You become friends with women you might not ever be friends with if it weren’t for your babies.

When I had my first baby, I immediately signed up for the New Mom group at the hospital where I gave birth.  When I arrived six weeks later, purposefully showered as to not scare away the natives, I saw the hopeful desperation in every other mother’s eyes there.  Oh, it’s so nice to see all these new moms in slight disarray, tending to their children in hyper-focused, yet uncertain ways…just like me was the stock ticker running across all of our foreheads.

And as everyone introduced themselves and shared their birthing experiences, there was a collective sigh of relief knowing that we were all in this together.  Simultaneously.  Because our babies were all born at the same time.  Twenty of us destined to be bonded for life.

Flash-forward a few years, I keep in regular touch with one of those moms, and minimal check-ins with two, three more at the most.  In time, with any mess of human beings, true nature comes out and you suddenly realize whom you want to spend time with.  And whom you don’t.

That’s what kids do.  They prioritize us in a way we never realize or anticipate.  But the fact of the matter is, as parents, we’re tired and we only have so much time and energy for things in our lives.  And naturally, that starts to apply towards people and things that truly matter.

So we end up trying to meet some potentially new mom friends at playgrounds, baby classes, the here and there.  And because most of the time our kids are with us, we can only pay half attention.  We can only have short two to five minute conversations where we blurt out pertinent details about ourselves in case something ‘sticks’ in hopes one of these small informational nuggets will further bond us on something else besides our kids.

This is the plight of attempting to find mom friends.  Realistically, as moms we will always be surrounded by potential mom friends.  It’s learning how to find the ones we have the best connection with and trust.  The ones that we can call, if we need a kid-related favor, or the ones we need to be our back up In Case Of Emergency contact.

For better or worse, I’ll always be grateful for knowing those moms in the first year or two of my daughter’s life and having that experience with them.

Recently, I read an article that suggested if you wanted to live the life of your dreams and attain whatever goals you have for yourself, shut the door on negative and unsupportive people in your life.  I think it’s safe to say this applies to mom friends, too.  Because remember, you might not have been friends with certain moms pre-kids.  And that’s okay.  They’ll make new mom friends.  And so will you.

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