Because You Don’t Stop “Doing It” When You’re Dead

ghost sex

LAST WEEK on Candidly Nicole, Nicole Richie met with Patti Negri, a witch and celebrity medium who said she was “one of the world experts” on spectrophilia, more commonly known as ghost sex, also known as: ghost-busting, Casper-banging, Beetlejuicing, Moaning with Myrtle. These aren’t official terms, I just made them up. Are you listening, Urban Dictionary?

Spectrophilia describes the condition of feeling a strong sexual attraction to ghosts or otherworldly spirits, AKA Demi Moore in Ghost and Christina Ricci in Casper, which isn’t even that weird because the ghost-looking version of Casper was adorable and the human-looking version was really hot when I was like, nine. As Negri describes it, “It’s not just like you’re feeling orgasmic[…] you’re feeling specifically where they are touching: they’re touching my left breast, they’re touching down there, they’re touching something. You actually feel penetration often.” Spectrophilia is believed to be both a paranormal phenomenon and a fetish, and according to The Cut’s Jessica Roy, spectrophilia isn’t new. Humans have been fantasizing about totally doing it with ghosts since as far back as the medieval times, though it’s not clear whether this a mutual thing or if ghosts also sit around thinking about banging the living. Might suck to hook up with a ghost a handful of times only to have them decide it’s not their thing and they’re not really looking for anything serious right now.

Sexual attraction to ghosts isn’t uncommon, and there are communities and forums on the Internet for people who actively seek it out. Back in May, Paranormal Activity star Natasha Blasick said that she’d had a vaguely consensual run-in with a horny ghost once when she was home alone: “Their hands were pushing me against my will and then I could feel the weight of their body on top of me but I couldn’t see anybody… At first I was very confused then I decided to relax and it was really pleasurable. I really enjoyed it.” Anna Nicole Smith also said she used to dabble in ghost sex, and Ke$ha credits a sexual experience with ghost as the inspiration for her song “Supernatural.” Celebrities, they’re just like us!

Ghost lovers believe that if a ghost has totally been cruising you all night, you can invoke their spirit and invite the possibility of a ghost sex encounter, which doesn’t sound too bad. The only drawback I can imagine is that with ghost sex comes the possibility of ghost rejection and eventually being ghosted. But they can’t help it. It’s just what they do. But as much as I’d like to think that there’s a whole legion of invisible spirits waiting to get it on with me because I’m just that attractive, I don’t believe in the supernatural. Which is sad, because ghost sex sounds kind of nice. If I can just lay there CONSENSUALLY while some invisible being COMPLETELY CONSENSUALLY goes to town on me while I sit back and watch Netflix, who am I to stop them? As long as they show up when I want them to and leave when they’ve done their job, ghost sex doesn’t sound like a bad deal. Ghost sex is the future. Get in on the ground floor before this thing takes off. Consensually.

Image Credit: Tiane Doan Na Champassak

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