Smoke MEOWT: There Is Now Pot for Your P@$*Y


People everywhere are going ganga, and how they want to use it– whether that means putting it in a pipe or on their p***ies– well, that’s up to them.

POT. DOPE. Weed. Bud. Chronic. The ganj. 

The list of monikers for marijuana goes on forever, but really, whatever you want to call it, it seems like everywhere you turn lately marijuana is on the brain and on the tip of the tongue. Colorado made headlines earlier this year when it became the first state to approve cannabis for recreational use, and just this week, Washington state followed in the Rocky Mountain’s footsteps by opening its first legal marijuana store.

Yesterday Cannabis City opened its doors at “high noon” to an anxious and happy public, some of whom had been waiting for hours to sample the store’s wares, like “chill guy” Mike Boyer, who waited 19 hours for the dubious title of being the first person to purchase legal weed in Spokane. Sure, he lost his security guard  job in the process (due to the publicity he got from news coverage), but hey, at least he can put that on his resume. Maybe he can provide security for a co-op or commune? He’s clearly devoted.

And let’s not forget good ol’ California. Even though marijuana is only approved for medicinal purposes here in the Golden State, pot is still a booming business. Just drive through Hollywood and try counting the number of collectives and dispensaries and pot shops you come across, all of them carrying your run-of-the-mill Mary Jane while offering different kinds of special treats like ice cream, cupcakes, and even pot butter that you can spread on your bread. And in Berkeley, the city council just approved an ordinance mandating that pot dispensaries donate what amounts to 2% of their sales to low-income and homeless patients. In marijuana, though. Can’t say it’s surprising; if any city was going to implement a municipally-funded psychoactive drug handout, it would be Berkeley. Welcome to the High-Light Zone.

Beyond what states are starting to offer, more companies like Foria are coming forward with, uh, creative ways to incentivize and entice new clientele. Foria is, for all intents and purposes, “pot for your p***y.” Yup. The first thought that popped into your head when you saw those asterisks is correct. And it’s not a joke. Foria is a legit product. It comes in the form of a “sensual enhancement… handcrafted from the female flower of the marijuana plant,” and contains coconut oil, which is apparently good for the pH of your lady parts. And have no fear, the oil is vegan, sugar-free, and gluten-free, so all of you dear readers with intense dietary restrictions can breathe a collective sigh of relief. But you will have to join a collective if you want to get your hands on this product’s big promise to “inspire deep healing and unlock untold pleasures.” User testimonials claim relaxation of the “mind, body and soul” and the ability to get “in touch” with their bodies by experiencing multiple orgasms in short amounts of time, which might push you over the edge if you’re so inclined.

Foria’s existence alone helps prove that that marijuana’s image is undergoing a radical transformation, not only in the perception of the public, who are feeling more and more comfortable approving medical usage and decriminalizing the possession of small amounts of weed, but in the way that it’s being marketed as well.

Which is all well and good, but don’t think you can PayPal it quite yet– Foria still requires a physician’s cannabis recommendation to join and purchase the product. Which isn’t that hard, actually. Just a few years ago, if you wanted to spark up, you needed to know a person who knew a guy, or you had to go through a rigorous screening process to get your hands on a medical marijuana license.

Nowadays, all you have to do is book an appointment with a physician specializing in cannabis, talk about the “glaucoma” or “back pain problems” or “insomnia” (right) issues you’re experiencing, and prest-o, blaze-o, there’s your shiny new physician’s recommendation. Making it even easier are the companies like Foria, who will sign you up for a collective, help you pick a product, and ship it to you, without you ever having to leave your house.

Although explaining your “need” for a Foria– “Hey, doc, so my vagina’s having a really hard time falling asleep at night, can you prescribe it some pot, pretty please?”– is a little more personal, than say, “I blew my back out.”

Image Credit: Pashin Gregory/Mother Jones

+ Leave a Reply