Looking for something to light up the room and make him want to unwrap packages? Why not a sexy Christmas tree?! It’s no secret that the “sexy” costume trend jumped the shark with a big, glittering, barely-dressed flourish of foolishness. Not that ladies shouldn’t feel adventurous and put on something clever and fun that gives them and their partner a sexy thrill on Halloween. With all of the awe, puzzlement, and chuckles that these cheaply made and poorly considered buys deserve, NeonRattail.com blogger Michelle went over the top ten most icky, sticky, sorry-excuse-for retail costumes that hit the shelves this Halloween:
- Sexy Michael Myers Costume: I don’t recall Michael’s lucite heels, teased hair or cleavage, but I guess I didn’t catch all of the Halloween movies. To refresh your memory, Michael Meyers is a mass murderer/all around creep – not super sexy, in my opinion.
- Sexy Little Miss Supreme Costume: Why, yes, this is a sexy toddler costume! Did you know you can also buy “sexy” Girl Scout and Brownie costumes? THESE SEXY COSTUMES ARE BASED ON CHILDREN.
- Sexy Scrabble Costume: …This weird “sexy” version seems to be made from the same cheap plastic one might find in a dollar store tablecloth. The product description says “He’ll be dying to show off his large…vocabulary” so good luck with that.
- Sexy Beetlejuice Costume: Again, you should NOT have to write “Beetlejuice” on the costume to tip me off.
- Sexy Barney Costume: He doesn’t strike me as the kind of character that needs a “sexy” costume in his honor, but I felt the same way about Tweety and Oscar the Grouch. Not only is this costume supposed to be a sexy dinosaur, but also a sexy children’s television star.
- Sexy Pizza Costume: This one reminds me of something you’d find in a bad rom-com, where the leading lady tries to land her man in a grand gesture by combining everything he loves: SEX & PIZZA.
- Sexy Sriracha Costume: This is actually called the “Sexy Chinese Hot Sauce Costume” ….which is just as catchy! I get that they had to lose the brand name, and this would still clearly read as Sriracha to fellow party goers, but the loss of the classic rooster (aka cock) mascot in favor of a bunny is nothing short of ironic. Also, Sriracha is Thai, not Chinese
- Sexy Jolly Rancher Costume: They produced it in FIVE COLORS, just in case. You can’t even get that many options for a sexy witch, but rest assured if you want to dress as a sexualized hard candy you can do so in your favorite shade.
- Sexy Where’s Waldo Costume: My main problem with costumes this simple is that people actually buy them. You don’t even have to DIY – this can be assembled so cheaply. Those socks are half the costume and they aren’t even included!
- Sexy Woolly Mammoth Costume: There should probably be fur all over instead of whatever that weird vinyl body suit is, since woolly mammoths were kind of covered in the stuff. Why not just name this after another animal since this is clearly not a woolly mammoth?
What’s the worst “sexy” costume you came across this Halloween season? — Casandra Armour
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