SCOOBY DOO! Frankencreepy is the latest installment in a series of direct-to-DVD releases from Warner Bros, and in it, Scooby, Shaggy, Fred, Velma, and Daphne find themselves in a castle that Velma inherited (because she apparently comes from a money-making, multiple-property-owning family, which would means she could play Kim Kardashian Hollywood FOR DAYS) from her great-great-uncle. At some point, Daphne does something to upset a bad guy, and the bad guy “curses” Daphne, bringing her face-to-face with her biggest fear: being fat. That’s it. That’s her biggest fear. Let’s take a moment to really put this fear into perspective when compared to other fears like:
- I don’t know, DYING
- Being covered in spiders
- Becoming a spider with a gross spider face
- Dying alone
- Being murdered in your sleep by the Starbucks barista from this morning and having them send your chopped-up body parts to your family one at a time in the mail
- Everyone who you love and hold dear to you DYING
- Losing your job
- Losing your home
- CANCER
- CLOWNS
- Running out of chap stick
- Again, DYING
ALL MUCH SCARIER THAN BEING FAT.
Technically, her biggest fear is losing her looks and therefore her status as The Pretty One of the group, which is also sad. According to Yahoo, Daphne goes from a size 2 to a size 8 which equals FATFATFATFATUGLYUGLYUGLY if you’re Warner Bros.
So Daphne’s a vapid black hole whose biggest fear is to no longer be relatively thin and considered conventionally attractive, and who thinks that being fat is the worst, scariest thing that could ever happen to her. When she sees herself in the mirror after the bad guy “curses” her, she actually screams in terror and recoils in fear of her own reflection. Which is just, so gross. Kids already get bombarded with enough body-hating sh*t as it is without a seemingly-benign animated movie coming right out and saying that being fat is a curse. Avert your children’s eyes because this movie is pretty much the worst.
In a statement to HuffPost, Warner Brothers said,“While Daphne is at first upset by the sudden change [in her body], there is a touching moment where Fred points out that he didn’t even notice a change and that she always looks great to him. At the end, when Velma explains how they figured out the mystery, she points out that the curse actually DIDN’T take away what means the most to each of them: their friendship. The loss of Daphne’s regular appearance is proven to be a superficial thing, and not what actually matters the most to her.” Warner Brothers’ intentions may have been good, but at the end of the movie, Daphne gets to go back to being her regular size 2 self. This would be a sweet way to end the story if we hadn’t just learned that Daphne is a raging fat-phobe.
There’s a message here, kids. Actually, there isn’t. Maybe just don’t watch this movie.
