HARRY bit down on his lip, trying not to make a sound as Draco’s sultry voice filled his head. Everything he’d said was true, Harry was rock hard, just from a few words from his arch enemy.
“You’re rock hard, aren’t you, Harry?” Draco prodded, sliding his leg back between Harry’s.
Harry nodded sheepishly, forgetting that Draco couldn’t see him.
“I can’t hear you,” Draco hissed, moving his knee ever so slightly against Harry’s member.
“Y…yes,” he gasped at the contact.
“Yes, what?”
“Yes…you made me hard. Really, really hard,” Harry said shakily.
Welcome, friends, to the wide and wondrous world of Harry Potter erotic fan fiction, more commonly known as Potterotica. A world in which the fascination we have with the fictional wizarding world of Harry Potter — one that’s always bordered on sexual anyway — is free to run wild and make our wildest sexual fantasies come true. And sometimes those sexual fantasies involve Harry and Draco giving each other discrete blowjobs under the table in the Gryffyndor common room. Harry Potter oozes sexual tension and has some seriously homeoerotic subtext, so fan fic writers are just saying what everyone else is thinking. Also, if the above passage didn’t cause you to spring even the tiniest of boners, you have no soul.
Spoken word artist Brenna Twohy says she’ll take Harry Potter erotic fan fic over regular tits-and-jiz stuff any day as her preferred whack fuel of choice. GIRL I KNOW. The thought of your favorite fictional characters who you always imagined to be excruciatingly hot, and have invested so much time and emotional energy in, finally having the Ginny-Harry-Draco three-way you always imagined (I’m just talking about me now) is, really, the only true way to whack it. In a video of a performance Twohy uploaded to YouTube last week, she acknowledges that she’s encountered people who believe literary fantasy-based porn is “unrealistic,” but she counters that Potterotica is far closer to real life than most conventional porn. “The sexiest part is knowing [the characters] are part of a bigger story, that they exist beyond eight minutes in ‘Titty Titty Gangbang,’ that their kegels are not the strongest thing about them.” According to Cate Matthews of HuffPost, a 2010 study revealed that 90 percent of straight porn video content, both online and off, contained verbal or physical aggression towards women. Understandably so, Twohy likens the porn industry to a “slaughterhouse” with “24/7 live streaming, reminding me that men are going to f**k me whether I like it or not, that there is one use for my mouth and it is not speaking, that a man is his most powerful when he’s got a woman by the hair.” Twohy’s love for Potterotica isn’t just a simple preference, it’s a personal rebellion against the porn industry and the violence it perpetuates against women.
Twohy’s right. Porn is sad. The titles alone are depressing enough to deflate any chance of a lady boner that might have previously existed, and that’s before the video even starts. But finding the truly good Potterotica sometimes involves scouring the annals (LOL) of the Internet — 50 Shades of Grey is cheesy as f***, and the good porn, the authentic, feminist, queer stuff, like the Crash Pad Series, is rarely free. And despite the outdated assumption that women don’t watch porn, a lot of women do. And sometimes we end up watching the same crap that everyone else does. Sometimes women like our porn they way everyone else does: just as nasty and emotionally vacant. Not because it’s a cinematic masterpiece, but because it’s just there and most of the time it does the job. Ladyparts don’t always get the message that what we’re seeing is unsettling and rather depressing, because ladyparts are ladyparts and they and my eyeballs have this secret thing going sometimes where they hang out together without my brain. We know porn is fake (I’m talking about my me and my ladygoods), and unrealistic to the point of being comical. No one really likes watching it, but we do (still talking about the ladygoods). Still, “Whorrey Potter and the Sorcerer’s Balls” just leaves me feeling empty and disillusioned. I always imagined Harry with less chest hair.
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