Lesson #1: Life’s always a party with the right person.
THE THIRD SEASON OF BROAD CITY has come to an end.
Everybody’s favorite non-sexual life-partners from New York City sure did go through a lot this year. For instance, Ilana (Ilana Glazer) got a promotion at work, but was promptly fired (by Vanessa Williams!) for tweeting bestiality porn on the company Twitter account. The end of the season saw here finally deciding on a serious career path for her future — being really rich and flying first-class. Amen!
Abbi (Abbi Jacobson) also got a promotion at the gym, but the coolest thing was probably discovering Tony Danza was her dad and that Drew Barrymore’s preferred brand of luggage stands up to being shot at by Israeli terrorism investigators. Props all around for that. Here are 15 of our favorite moments from the series, with valuable lessons that we can all learn from.
This is a million-dollar idea just waiting to be exploited. And then exploited a bit too far. And then taken to court for sexual harassment. So, basically, there should never be a gynecologist who also offers waxing.
The key to success is obvious, so naturally Ilana is due for pop stardom. And, hey, she’s got the moves — so why not? Maybe they can start with an all-musical episode in Season Four?
Yeah, we’d be down for that.
Patriotism is in!! Go and vote, people. As long as it isn’t for hideous lizard people commmonly known as “Republicans,” anybody is a fine choice. Just don’t try and get a job campaigning on telephones and expect to be paid. Who do you think you are, a guest at a George Clooney dinner?
It is indeed possible to have a nice driver’s license picture, for you can make a DMV appointment online. You’ll avoid having to stand in a five-hour line, and you’ll also avoid ending up with sweaty skin, frazzled hair, smeared make-up, and holding in a raging stomach bug just so you don’t lose your place in the queue.
You know what? We’d be okay with a Sister Act 3: Nuns on the Run.
Okay, fine, water is totally acceptable at brunch. Just don’t drop your bike lock keys down the drain afterwards, because you’ll really wish you had at least had a few drinks in you before doing it.
Are penis kisses a thing in real life? Will they catch on? Do we want them to catch on? Have penis kisses already caught on and we just don’t know it? We’re not sure how we’d miss it, but you never know what people are doing in Brooklyn that the rest of us haven’t seen or heard of before.
Have you ever wondered whether you would do you if you weren’t you and you ever met you? Okay, that was a really complicated way of questioning whether you would have sex with somebody that looked like you. Ilana would, apparently, until she realizes the thought of exploring her lesbian side with a lookalike (Alia Shawkat) is just a bit too weird. And when she finds out she doesn’t smoke weed? It is DONE.
Going out in New York City — no, make that going out in Manhattan — can be such a bizarre experience. But, hey, sometimes you wind up in the VIP section of a bar that you snuck into after eavesdropping on a guest’s phone conversation on the street.
And other times may just end up going home with professional basketballer Blake Griffin, sipping tea while naked and having mind-blowing, experimental (and in this case, non-penetrative) sex. The night can take you in some really unexpected directions.
WIG HELMETS! Ilana sported a few of these spiffy creations throughout Season Three and we’re not gonna lie – they are amazing. Unlike penis kisses, I feel like wig helmets are really a thing that people really use and I am here for it.
Kelly Ripa makes a pretty good stoner alcoholic with a hardcore drug dependency. Hopefully, this doesn’t become a reality now that she’s in a bitter fight with the network behind her morning news program.
Sometimes finding tampons is actually very hard when you’re in a space like an airplane. What’s the deal? Of course, amid all of the laughs were some very real observations about how hard it is for many women — including those who are homeless and those on low income — to gain access to tampons and any sort of reproductive care. Because, men. Obviously.
Maroon 5 front-man and The Voice judge Adam Levine makes a fine-looking — but actually very terrible — flight video presenter. No, Adam. No.
Look, comparing the ripeness of a melon with the firmness of your own breast is a perfectly valid method of green grocer shopping.
Try not to ever have this happen to you. Just don’t. It won’t end well.
